“Still alive” might sound like a melodramatic way to title the post, but in this particular case it is actually not, in that in the time since I last wrote, it has not been entirely clear that would be the case. I last wrote about my job search, and that actually turned out reasonably well for now at least; rather late in the summer I did in fact acquire a full time job with benefits–a couple hours away from home so I have to stay there a few days a week, but otherwise a job that I quite like. So while my anxiety wasn’t unfounded, and I still am not sure what to do long-term, that didn’t devolve into homelessness or some other kind of misery as I was fearing. I have in fact felt appreciated where I’m working and that has gone a long way to help get past the painfulness of before, though it doesn’t just leave completely of course.
What has been rather more dramatic is that I was suddenly diagnosed with stage three cancer (with very little in the way of symptoms until two weeks before diagnosis). Obviously, this was not was I was picturing, though I was picturing other sorts of dire outcomes to how life had been going. I am now through two surgeries and six months of chemo and it could be over, though it also might not. Now I am trying to learn to live with this reality. I haven’t wanted to write much during this process but maybe will now. Seems like a start.