Austin

This is so true: “I thought about how it is that people don’t say, “stop talking about the past” when you begin to relate a positive experience. This kind of statement only happens when the person begins to speak about painful things.”

And I think this is too: “It seems negative to talk about painful issues but the end result and the goal is to have neutralize it so the positive can have it’s full affect.” It seems like it’s really a very positive goal that underlies the looking at/talking about these issues.

The other thing is that talking about these things has been the only thing that’s ever helped me with shame, and shame, I think, might be the most destructive thing of all for me.

When I first read this I thought, ya know, many prefer to hear or read the good in life and say that writing about or talking about the bad means you focus only on that. They seem to think when talking about the negatives we are wallowing in the past and making it so we can’t move forward. I thought about how it is that people don’t say, “stop talking about the past” when you begin to relate a positive experience. This kind of statement only happens when the person begins to speak about painful things.

The second thing is this, there is more to my life than the abuse I suffered as a child and young adult but it is not the positives in my life that keep me up at night. It is not the positive experiences (and there have been many) that wreck my relationships or depress me to a paralyzed state. The good in my life has not canceled out the bad in any way. In order to neutralize the bad I have to work on it. The only way to work on it is to talk about it, bring it forward and do my best to reconcile what I can and neutralize what I cannot. This is why my blog focuses on abuse issues, because I want the good to have the full affect, to gain benefits from the good instead of it always being overshadowed by the abuse and issues from the abuse.

If I work on self esteem (which was damaged by abuse) and I talk about ways I feel dirty and why then I can begin to heal my self image thereby choosing a healthier partner next time. It seems negative to talk about painful issues but the end result and the goal is to have neutralize it so the positive can have it’s full affect. This is like dental surgery. This is going to hurt, we’re going to pull things out by the roots and it won’t be pretty but the end result is less pain in the mouth. Will it be worth it? Yes, because now the positive is able to be experienced without the burden of major pain. No one says don’t have oral surgery, you’re being negative. They know it’s going to hurt but they also know it is vital for daily health to have an infected tooth removed or healed as best it can be. This is how life is, we heal it as best we can or remove the parts that can’t be healed. The thing is, oral surgery is easier!!!

until again,
Austin

PS. Sorry for the long winded comment.