Overwhelm. Whelm-over
I didn’t used to think of this word as a noun, but I keep hearing it used that way, and it does make a sort of sense. It’s always made sense as a verb, in the “I’m getting overwhelmed” type of phrase. But it is also a state, or maybe a thing–a big blobby shapeless but heavy squishing thing.
It seems to be visiting. I was feeling pretty good and all nice and tired working on our house and looking forward to things. But then it turned–stress between amongst the triangle of me, my spouse, and our finances (or the lack thereof), and I felt all dumb for letting myself feel good/hopeful. This, as you may imagine, is not a particularly helpful reaction: some bit of anxiety appears, or some conflict, and I proceed to add a big blobby mass of humiliation to the anxiety/conflict in the shape of chastising myself for letting my guard down and feeling okay or whatever-the-hell-else-crazy-ass form the self-terrorizing thought takes. But it’s pretty much all like that. And then suddenly it’s all “I can’t relate/fit in/belong. . .”–social/relational doubt. New-kid-in-school/spazz/defective/misfit/not-a-real-person-like-other-people type self-concepts. Zero to total forlorness in 60 seconds–maybe a little more, but you get the idea. Rev up your engines and get ready to roll! Bring on the alienation and dysphoria! No time to waste!
That’s not the only story, though, because the other story is that I shared some of the nonesense that goes on last night in a lovely parking-lot heart-to-heart and with some others today and the tide does turn–not completely or permanently–but it moves and changes.
This entry was posted on June 12, 2008 at 3:32 am and is filed under ADHD, Anxiety, Change, Coping strategies, Failure, Fear, Living, Recovery, Risk, Shame, Social Anxiety, Social Experience, Spirituality, or Something, Worry. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.
Tags: alienation, Change, overwhelm, relationships, self-esteem, Shame, social, support
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June 21, 2008 at 1:59 pm
overwhelm is something that i’m quite familiar with personally
it’s early in the morning, i’m not quite awake yet and all of a sudden i have this crazy idea … what if feeling/creating this “blob” of overwhelm is a reaction to a need to have that oceanic feeling we experienced in the womb and perhaps later on as a small child? it’s not pleasant but at least it’s everywhere …
hmmm …. does that make sense?
June 22, 2008 at 2:02 am
and in the part where I was talking about how the icky side of being overwhelmed can change/turn, I was using some ocean imagery in the terms. In the scary version, it’s more of a being swallowed-up experience, and in the comforting one, a being held and buoyed up. I think maybe this being overwhelmed issue could be seen as at least partly a spiritual one–one of feeling/sensing one’s place in the world, one’s smallness but involvedness.
June 27, 2008 at 4:35 am
i’ve been starting to wonder whether what we might be after is ANY sort of enveloping, even if it’s not so positive.
the idea of overwhelm bringing us to a point where we can sense our being part of the world - how interesting! now THAT’s something to think about …